If you can’t geuss from the title, I just found out that a boy I knew killed himself last night. I met him through a church youth group we were involved in and even though I didn’t know him well, he means a lot to me. In March, I met him when he visited our church (he was from Olympia) and I was forced to interact with people I didn’t know. We talked about our converse, and I told him his were really cool because they were blue with lime green laces and little cartoons all over them.  I DON”T UNDERSTAND IT. The reason you come to Y.O.U., the reason you spend all this time with these people is so that you know you have people there for you. after four years, how did he not know that? I love him, he was such an amazing person and he seemed so joyous and capable. He was so young. Probably eighteen. I sat nest to him in our intention setting ceremony we had at our retreat this summer. The man who lead it told us to sshout into the circle what we needed for that week. The lights were dim and everyone had closed their eyes. Dillon had so much to say, words that held power for him, but i was stiff and quiet and unwilling the whole time. and when it started to wind down i screamed, flashing open my eyes. ACCEPTANCE. He literally flinched. I will miss him. I will miss him so much. I’m crying and hurting and no one knows what to do anymore to help. WE SHOULD HAVE BEEN HELPING HIM. Its too late now and that knife will cut me forever. od i feel helpless. What a shit Christmas.